I'll Be Seeing You
by highway-salvation
Summary: Written by Lexa. This is a companion fic to "PS: Do I really have to say it?" written in Dean's POV instead of Ryan's during the final goodbye scene.


The hospital was quiet, way too quiet for Dean's liking. He liked it better when there was noise and commotion going on around him because then he could actually be distracted from his thoughts, thoughts that usually included his impending demise.

Cancer was a whole new ball game for him. It was more destructive than any demon, angel, or ugly supe he'd ever encountered in his life and that wasn't even the worst part of it. The worst part was that he couldn't see the damn thing, couldn't do anything to stop it. No spell, sigil, weapon, or deal could protect him from this. It was slowly eating him away on the inside and shutting him down 'til there was nothing left.

At this point, there wasn't much to hold on to except his sanity.

"Mr. Winchester." Dean drew his eyes away from the wall; they had permanent circles under them from months of chemo and a general lack of a good night's sleep. Dr. Panabaker, who had been his assigned oncologist for the past month, was standing in his doorway.

"What up, doc?" he asked brusquely.

"I contacted your brother and updated him on your condition," Dr. Panabaker said, trying his best to smile at what had already been stamped as a hopeless situation. "They're on their way now to be with you. If you need anything until then, I'll be right down the hall, filling out paperwork."

"Hey, doc," Dean called, even though it was a struggle now to speak even above a whisper. The old man paused and turned back around as he was about to leave. "Could you do something for me?"

"Sure, son. Anything you need."

When Sam, Ryan, and Castiel walked into the room no more than twenty minutes later, Dean was humming along to 'Stairway to Heaven', which was blaring softly from a handheld radio in the window sill over to his right. The soothing melodies of the 70's were the only thing keeping him calm right now.

"Dean." Sam's voice cracked when he said his brother's name and tears were already welling in his eyes, but it momentarily broke Dean out of his reverie. "We uh, we brought Cas along with us.."

The corners of Dean's lips curved up slightly. "Hey. Long time, no see, Cas."

Castiel stepped forward with little to no emotion on his face, as was expected. The only indication of stress there really was were his hands, which were currently balled into fists at his sides. "Dean, I am truly sorry-"

"Oh, come on. Would you just shut up and give me a hug already?"

Awkwardly, the angel moved forward and leaned down over the bed, hesitating while Dean put an arm around him. "Thanks for everything, Cas." he said, "It means a lot to me. You've been like a brother to Sam and I."

"Then you know this isn't goodbye, brother. I will see you on the other side."

"Okay then," Dean said and lightly punched him on the shoulder. "I'll be holding you to that."

If Dean didn't know any better, he could've sworn that there were tears forming in Cas's eyes as he turned away from him. Well, I guess you know you're really screwed when an angel is crying over you.

"Sammy." Dean said almost fondly, seeing as his brother was the next one to lay down his goodbyes.

"Dean, I can't." Sam said, shaking his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut as if he was forcing this entire scenario out of his mind, but they both knew that it was impossible. This disease was staring them right in the face. "I can't say goodbye to you, not after everything.."

"You have to." Dean said, clearly not taking no for answer by the slightly annoyed look on his face. "We've been expecting this for weeks, Sam. You can't chicken out on me now."

"Damnit, Dean! You're not supposed to die like this!"

"Yeah? And how am I supposed to die?" Dean asked skeptically, "Are you going to tell me? Because the last time I checked, I've died in more ways than I can even count."

"It's just, it's not fair, okay? We won, for God's sakes, we _won._ We won Yellow Eyes, we won the devil, we even won the apocalypse! And now, when you're dying of cancer, we all of a sudden just give up? No, I can't accept that." he said stubbornly, his jaw taut. "There has to be something, some other way."

"There's not, Sam. There's nothing." Dean said wearily. "I've accepted this. All I'm asking from you is a simple goodbye." Sam stood there, just staring at him with the kind of sorrow that could've killed him on the spot. "Please?"

Dean leaned forward in bed to reach out towards his brother but started to cough and hack violently instead. Sam's eyes widened and he rushed towards the bed with Ryan right behind him, "Dean, hey-"

Dean's hand gripped the back of Sam's jacket and pulled him in, starting to chuckle now instead. "Man, you are so gullible." he said with the hint of laughter in his voice.

Sam sighed, trying not to let his frustration with Dean get the best of him. "Jerk." he said softly.

"Bitch," Dean retorted, grinning from ear to ear now.

Sam pulled away, looking smaller than his height then, younger than his age. It was as if Dean was staring at his four year old brother again and he was begging him for answers, "Are you scared?"

"No. Not as scared as I used to be." he said with a faint smile, "I'll get to see mom and dad, Bobby.. they'll be waiting for me, I know it. And I won't be in pain anymore."

A sob broke out behind Sam and Dean closed his eyes, terrified of the next and final person he had to say goodbye to.

"Singer, come here."

Sam put his hand on Dean's shoulder one last time and squeezed it lightly, "I'll be out in the hall with Cas if you need anything." he said, reluctantly moving away so that Ryan could take her turn at his bedside.

Before Sam even left the room, Dean's eyes were on Ryan. She hadn't moved an inch towards his bed and by the look on her face, she didn't want to.

"I won't bite, I promise." he teased. "No, wait, I take that back. Maybe just a nibble.."

"How can you joke like that?" Ryan asked and her voice strained in agony. "Dean, I'm about to lose you and you're joking around with me as if nothing has changed!"

"That's because nothing has changed. I still love you as much I did yesterday and the days, weeks, months, and years before that. As cheesy as it sounds, our love is what's kept me alive this long and it's what's going to keep me going even after I'm gone."

"I love you," Ryan whispered and her face crumbled. "I can't do this without you."

"You'll be fine, now c'mere.." he said and motioned for her to sit down next to him. She sank down at his side and he took her hand in his, squeezing it. "I love you, you know that, and I understand that the next couple of months are going to be hard on you, but I need you to be strong. Do not let my death ruin your life. It's not what I want for you. When you get so sad that you can't stand it anymore, I want you to think of all the good times. Our first kiss on Highway 98, the night you made me get up and dance in front of a room full of truckers, our rides in the Impala.. all of it. And I assure you, whatever pain you're feeling, it'll disappear."

Ryan sighed, shaking her head. "I doubt that." she whispered dubiously.

"Well, if it helps you at all, I want you to have this." he said and pulled the black chord of his golden bull necklace over his head. He carefully placed it in her hand, closing her fingers around it. "Something to remember me by."

Ryan stared at it for a few seconds with tears rolling down her eyes and then she leaned down, pecking him on the lips. "I'll be seeing you, Winchester."

"In all the old, familiar places." he finished with a grin.

Two hours later, Dean Winchester passed away in his sleep, surrounded by the ones he loved.


End file.
